Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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