I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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