i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
