worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
