O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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