the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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