Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
