Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
