It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
