Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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