You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
