Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
