matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
