JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
