like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
