when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
