yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
