it hurts more in the daytime
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
