This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
