when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
