you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
