i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I skipped work to stalk him.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
