So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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