I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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