I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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