Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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