Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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