I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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