Is it because I queefed?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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