Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
