She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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