Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
