Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
