Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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