this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
