This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
