bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
