So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
