He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
