my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We have started to decorate penises.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize