i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
