So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
