Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
