when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
