just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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