Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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