i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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