I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
