I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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