i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
