I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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