I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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