My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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