i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
