i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
