actually, I'm a sock model
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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