I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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