Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
