I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
