Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
