And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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