32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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