I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
