I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
