sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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