i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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