I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Mom said you looked used
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize