I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
