just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
