We need to start having sex underwater more often.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
