This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
