you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize