But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Your cock deserves a montage
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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