Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
