Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
