She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
