guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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