it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
