I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
