i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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