I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
