Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
