Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
