i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
