maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
