Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
