o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
