Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize