i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
