What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
