Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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