Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well you can't waste a boner
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
