dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
