turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
