I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
