Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
